A good friend and I decided to go out for a lovely meal together. It had been sometime since we last chatted and needed to catch up. It was a great chat and wonderful catch up session (as always). We are also among the most observant people I know. A favourite hobby of hers as well as mine is people watching. As many Calgarian know 17th Ave brings out the best people and on Monday night many of the worst. There were many crimes committed by the common people.
Crime #1 The Chatter Box – Right beside us, just after we sat down, arrived a young (new) couple and his father. It was the first time the dad was meeting the new girl friend. She was a skinny pretty little thing and well attired for a first meeting. If it was my son’s girlfriend I would have had a good first impression. Then she opened her mouth, and I swear to the Lord was not shut the whole time. Talk, talk, talk talk talk talk! I wanted to remind her to breathe. She was talking so much and not paying attention to her cutting of her food that a peice flew onto my lap. She did not miss a word. She talked so much that her boyfriend and his father finished their food before she even picked up her fork. The boyfriend helped by switching plates with her so that it look like she had eaten something anyway.
Crime #2 Crimes against Hair – There were many people that were guilty of this crime. There was a much over processed platinum blonde. It makes it wrong to say platinum because platinum assumes something precious or expensive. This hair looked like she dyed it herself from a box and then left it on for 24 hours instead of doing it twice for 4 hours. A small tree branch got caught in her hair and her hair broke off. Yes her hair broke like a dry tree branch. There was some girls with unconventionally colour hair. Now blues and pinks and oranges can be pulled off if the style of the person fits and it is executed correctly, really all about the execution. One girl looked like a Condor bird shat blue on her head and she did not wash it off or combed her rat’s nest for the last month or more.
Crime #3 Crimes against Fashion – These happen all the time everywhere I look. Constant bombardment of fashion crimes. Two outfits that convinced me the capital punishment show be brought back. A not tall girl was wearing a short coat that looked like several Muppets died to make it, it needed to be groomed. She was wearing very tight blue leggings and a tight SHORT mini skirt that was purple with some patterns and characters on it. The skirt was very faded, not sure if it was because it was stretched so much so tight or if it was an “achieved” piece of clothing. She was blocking herself up so badly with her colour choices it made her look shorter and squatter then she really was. Another girls was in all black however ever piece was old and you can tell. When your clothing is really showing age it is time to get ride of it. It was badly faded and very pillie from being washed. The blacks did not match anymore.
Crimes #4 Crimes against my taste buds – When this friend of mine and I eat together we ALWAYS have dessert. We LOVE chocolate. We did the order two and share thing. A classic Crème Brulie and a Chocolate layer cake. The Chocolate layer cake promised to be moist and delicious (like a McCain’s deep dish thing). Well it was not far form it. The cake was dry and boring to say the least.
Crime #5 Crimes against SOMETHING I AM SURE – later that night and not on 17th Ave I was at my local Shoppers getting some supplies: dental floss. lotion, and face soap. In walked a old cougar trying too hard and face still paralyzed from her Botox treatment, behind her a younger not yet Botoxed mini version daughter. Both were wearing black half Ugg boots (yes only the half ones) and they sported the two biggest noses I have every seen in my life. I ducked when they looked at me in fear that they would poke my eyes out. Botox was such a waste of money, mom is not going to look any better with a tight face and that massive thing. It was like an army Tank. She should save her money instead of the Botox. Then give the surgery to her daughter for the 18th Birthday.
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